Caught so deep in the fast-lane

The moon looks hauntingly beautiful tonight. I wish you were there to see it. I wish the whole world was looking out of their windows, looking at it from my eyes. Back through the ages I can tell you of one of the greatest men in prophetic history gazing at the moon, and he weighed it so intently, that he recognized the Lord of the Worlds. I wish I had a similar insight. A perception so deep that I could look beyond the enthralling beauty or superficial ugliness of everything around me, and search for the reason within.

I hardly ever used to be in the nocturnal mode. But as demands of being a university student crept in, I started seeking solace in the silence of the nights. Sky gazing is a newly found passion. And taking in the flawless work of nature helps me put everything into perspective myself. The world is a totally different place at night. And I love breathing in deeply at this time, senses heightened, and breaking free of the mundane and reflecting on flashes of the passing day that keep replaying…

As I looked at the vast night sky and at the pole-star gleaming, my mind wandered back to the disappointments I had been stomaching. Today, it was one of those times again when you are so close to getting something but it slips right through your fingers, leaving you kicking at the sand. When you know it’s your last chance and you blow it- or rather, circumstances just don’t side with you. And you are in that unsettling state of mind when you feel like bringing the whole place down with the rage building up inside you. Patience sounds alien then- especially when you’ve been surviving the same blow over and over again, and every time for another weird reason.

My beef with the day- My paper went bad. Again. This was unheard of in my records, guess that’s why I find it hard to stay indifferent to it. What’s so off setting is the extent of the depression it’s dragging me to. I’m really not used to the idea. Or maybe this particular incident has aroused all the bad memories buried deep down… the chaos inside is inexplicable.

Since this has got me in the lousiest of the moods, I wonder how I would have felt if I had missed my fajr prayer for the the third consecutive time. Would my reaction be of the same magnitude? Obligations are a part of the “Greater Test”-the one that gets to decide your eternity. Am I as worried about acing this big test as I’m of clearing a minor paper? This particular verse from the Quran kept echoing in my head.

“This life of the world is but a pastime and a game. Lo! the home of the Hereafter – that is Life, if they but knew.” (29:64)

I looked at the clouds move by and my priorities started falling back to their places. It’s been quite a while since I prayed a deep prayer, since I cried in prostration…since I went through my mistakes and repented, since I seized the late hours of the night to supplicate my heart out… my university schedule had me in way too deep to leave room for any other worrisome thing. As for the disaster paper, I can say it certainly has given me a lot to think about. It wasn’t a fiasco because of bad prep- but fate and bad luck coupled together. And whenever things don’t go your way, it’s because of your own doing. It’s either a trial or a punishment.

These minor jolts carry a message of their own, and you don’t have to know rocket-science to interpret their meanings. They’re always there; like a burden on your conscience or gut-feelings- urging you on. So let not the superficiality of the world rob you of your purpose of existence. View each shortcoming as wake-up call, a blessing in disguise that makes you turn back home, makes you break free of the deceitful web you’re entangled in… Prioritize. Take your time to think things over.

“Let the stillness clam you and allow your troubles to be swallowed by the night. Lastly, look up at the moon and tell yourself that it looks spectacular and you wish I were there to see it.”

P.S: Inspired by the post ‘Carpe Noctem’

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One thought on “Caught so deep in the fast-lane

  1. Madiha Yunus says:

    …I personally wanted to let you know that I love your blog and how you’re guiding everyone out there, honestly! Considering that, I needed your help, I’m trying to bring this atheist to ways of Islam, and would love it if you could offer something to help me out in my cause! I’m sorry if I bothered you! Take care!

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